One Day
by bama02614
Summary: Serena/Nate fic Season One of GG series, involves the infamous G, with mentions of Dan, Chuck and Blair. What happens when Serena's world falls apart?


**Serena's One Day**

Don't you love me? Can't you understand? These were the questions going through Serena van der Woodsen's head as her boyfriend Dan Humphrey stared at her with blank brown eyes. In the back of her heart she'd always feared this moment, the moment when Dan would figure out all the horrible things she'd done in the past and judge her for them. Over time when nothing had come out, and she and Dan had found happiness together; she'd convinced herself this day would never come. She let herself believe that Dan would never look at her the way he was now, like she'd betrayed him somehow. She supposed his total disillusionment with her, his ultimate dream girl, was a betrayal to Dan. But as he stood there, practically glaring at her, she felt like the one betrayed. He had asked her to trust him, to love him, to choose him over her former life, and she had. She'd changed for him, become a new girl, with new values. But she'd never promised him her past was clean – she'd never once lied about who she had been. So for him to stand there and judge her now, to throw all her love and devotion back in her face… it hurt her. It ripped at places inside of her she thought had long since been buried.

"Is what Georgina said true?" He asked with all his hurt and anger vibrating in his voice. She wanted to reach out to him, to pull him to her and hold him there. But she didn't dare touch him. "Tell me the truth Serena!" He screamed at her, and she took a step back, shocked by the rage she felt emanating off of him.

"Georgina hates me. She blames me for a lot of things and she's just trying to get back at me. She doesn't want me to be happy Dan and she knows I'm happy with you. You have to ignore her. You have to." Serena begged as fresh tears filled behind her eyes, and began rolling down her cheeks one by one. She felt like she was being split apart at the seams, and all she needed was for him to stop looking at her like he was.

"Maybe you're right. I don't know, I don't care." Dan snapped as he took a step toward her, valiantly trying to keep his cool. "What I want is the truth from you. All that stuff she said you did… did you do it?" Serena continued to cry and turned her face away from him, so Dan grabbed onto her arms and spun her back around.

This time when she met his eyes she no longer found anger, instead she found disappointment. It was like he knew what her answer would be before she even said anything and for that she hated him. In that second standing there with his hands clenching her arms, and her tears soaking her skin – she no longer loved Dan Humphrey.

"Yes." Serena managed to get out as she jerked herself away from him and brought a hand to her face to wipe away all her remaining tears. She wouldn't cry another one for him, not that night. "It's the truth."

Dan just stared at her a lost little boy with no where to turn. She expected him to start screaming at her again, to call her a whore, or worse. But he did nothing. He just stood there, staring, barely breathing. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and she began to grab for her coat.

"Serena…" Her name sounded dirty on his lips now, like she was something to be ashamed of, not cherished as he had before. "I don't know what to say to you…" He admitted helplessly, and she wanted to scream at him to just love her again. But the words wouldn't form, so they just stood there in the tortured silence they'd both brought about.

"I need to get out of here." She finally managed when she felt the tears coming back. She knew any minute she was going to fall apart and for the first time in a long time she didn't trust him to catch her. She needed to find Blair. She needed someone who wasn't going to look at her like she was trash. And right now that couldn't be Dan.

"Do you want me to…" He began to offer to walk her out, but stopped himself and instead turned his back on her. Serena felt it like it was a slap on the face, and irritating tears began falling again. She grabbed her coat and purse quickly then and got out before Dan could see them.

She wouldn't give him that.

Serena walked aimlessly for a while, telling herself she'd go to Blair's when she got her head together a little bit more. But the idea of letting Blair know that she was right about Dan all along made Serena feel nauseous. Her best friend was likely to hunt Dan down herself and flog him for turning his back on Serena now. And as much as the vision of that amused Serena, she knew it would do no good. She couldn't let Blair fight her battles for her. She also didn't want to add fuel to Blair's ire where Georgina was concerned. Serena knew one wrong step and Georgie would expose her to the whole world – that was something Serena couldn't face yet.

To cap Serena's already horrible evening off it began to rain. She started to run for shelter but then figured what the hell, maybe the rain could wash all this away. At this point drowning in it wasn't such a bad option. Thunder erupted in the sky soon after, and the clouds opened up with a torrential downpour that soaked Serena through and through. If her mother could see her now, she would cringe.

An hour later Serena found herself on a vaguely familiar doorstep. She hadn't been to this house in so long, she'd forgotten exactly what it looked like. But there was no forgetting the intricately carved name on the pure gold knocker that Captain Archibald had insisted his wife purchase. This was Nate's house, one of her favorite places to escape to when she was a kid, and then later so much more.

She hesitated a few minutes on his stoop as the rain continued to drizzle around her. It was stupid to come to Nate now and drop all her problems on him. It had been forever since they'd been those kinds of friends, and she knew the blame for that was almost solely on her. She'd cut him out when she'd come back to town, determined to find a different life for herself. She knew Nate hadn't understood, but then he was Nate and he had never pushed her to explain. That's just the way they were, big cowards when it came to each other.

She was about to turn around and head back to her own place, maybe have a drink with Chuck or play video games with Erik, when the door opened and a scruffy looking Nate opened the door. His blue eyes were bleary with sleep, and he needed a good shave to look his usual self, but the rest of him was just as she always pictured him. Her once great shining white knight – oh how she'd missed that face.

"Hi." She tried to smile at him but it came out half hearted it and without further adieu he opened the door up for her and pulled her inside. "Nate-" She began to explain, but he shot her a quelling look before disappearing and then reappearing with a towel that he handed her.

"You look cold." His expression was detached and hard to read and she worried that she'd made a colossal mistake showing up here and barging in on him. He didn't deserve her laying all her crap on him like this, when she'd hardly been a friend to him.

"I got stuck in the rain." She explained lamely and left out the part about walking around in it for the past hour. Nate didn't ask for more details though, just grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs with him.

"I'll get you some dry clothes." He murmured as the ascended the dark staircase. She noticed that he never let go of her hand, and she was grateful for the small comfort of his warm palm against her own. Somehow Nate always found a way to help her, even when he wasn't trying.

She had missed that.

Once inside Nate's room he rummaged through his drawers and pulled out a pair of his boxers, the ones with sailboats on them that she'd given him their freshman year, and an old blue polo shirt that still smelled of his cologne. She took them both from him gratefully and waited for him to turn around before she pulled off her wet clothing and put them on. They were soft and warm, and reminded her of easier times spent in that room – times she'd give anything to return to.

"I'm decent." She announced a minute later, and he turned around to meet another shaky smile from her – this one almost reached her eyes, and he actually smiled back. "Thanks Natie." Her voice quivered as she used his long dead nickname from childhood and he walked around the bed to grab her hand and pull her to sit beside him on it.

"Your room still looks the same – it's like I'm in a time warp." She laughed softly and he joined in but said nothing more. She wished for a moment that he would ease the tension and provide her with small talk, but that was never in Nate's nature.

They sat there like that on his bed for a while. She shifted sometime in the silence and her shoulder brushed against his. She almost moved away from him, some bone deep fear that if she got too close the fire that used to be between them would ignite again. It was a foolish worry though because Nate didn't even react to her presence.

"I'm sorry for showing up here like this." She said at last, breaking the silence and moving a bit away from him on the bed, so she could turn and meet his eyes. "I had a really bad night and I just… I didn't know where to go." She choked as tears once again burned behind her eyes, she blinked them back though before they could fall.

"You can always come to me Serena." He told her simply and when their eyes locked she had the fleeting feeling that she was home. She pushed that away though, and instead leaned closer to him hoping he would hold her like he used to whenever she got upset.

Nate seemed to sense what she wanted because without further prodding he reached for her and secured her in his arms. Their embrace was stiff and unfamiliar for a moment, before Serena began crying again and his grip on her tightened. She felt his face brush against her neck, as his lips whispered that everything would be okay in her ear. All she wanted then was to be closer to him, to be so close she could drown in him again.

"Nate…" She whispered his name like a long dead friend, and they both pulled back from each other slowly. What she wanted was in her eyes, and in her intentions as she began leaning towards him again.

Before her lips could find his, his grip on her arms tightened and he held her away from him. She was confused for a second, before embarrassment set in and she jumped off the bed, ready to completely flee. She couldn't believe what a moron she'd been coming to him and just throwing herself at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna leave." She called to him as she reached blindly for the door and tried to get away from him. Before she could make it though he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her once again and pulling her back.

"Serena, c'mere." He said her name so reverently that she couldn't stop herself from collapsing in his arms. And then when he guided her back to the bed and forced her to lay down, she didn't fight him. Nate would take care of her, he always did.

Sometime later in the middle of the night they continued to lay on Nate's bed in the darkness. It was storming again and the rain beat paths against Nate's window pain, as the lightening lit up the dark sky. Serena felt calmer then and reached for Nate's hand beside her. When they were little she'd always found a way to hold his hand. Sometimes he would be a brat and tell her he didn't like girls, but most times, especially when they were alone he would simply let her twine their fingers and never say a thing about it. He seemed to understand without words that she needed him, and for better or worse Nate had always been willing to give Serena what she needed.

"I'm sorry I tried to kiss you." She whispered into the silence, still feeling like a complete idiot for doing that. "It was just… I'm sorry." She said again, hoping he wouldn't hold it against her.

"Why did you?" He returned, and she blinked back at him totally shocked that he'd actually just voiced that question. It was a totally un-Nate like thing. She felt incredibly sad then because she realized she hadn't truly known him in quite a while.

"Because I'm a fool." Serena tried to brush it off.

"Serena…" All he said was her name, but she knew her answer wouldn't cut it. Nate would take a lot from her, but apparently he was done with unanswered questions. He'd changed the game on her and Serena was having a hard time catching up.

"You know why Nate…" Serena answered him still trying to avoid actually saying it out loud. There were very few things that truly scared Serena van der Woodsen, but expressing herself truly to Nate Archibald was one of them.

He shifted beside her and began to pull his hand away, obviously not satisfied with her response. She held on tight though and sucked in a deep breath, before answering him as honestly as she could.

"I always run to you when the world's falling down Nate." She told him seriously, and when the gravity of that became too much, she added some levity. "It's like tradition." Her laugh was hollow, and he didn't bother to respond to it by laughing in turn.

Silence once again descended around them, and Serena curled herself closer into his arms. He only hesitated for a minute before he wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

The storm began to pass, but the wind was still whipping wildly outside the next time Serena opened her eyes and found Nate watching her. For a silly moment she imagined they were a couple, and they were waking up from a passionate night of love making in each other's arm. It was a fantasy she thought she'd long since banished from her heart, but here it was popping up again out of the blue.

"What happened?" He finally asked her, but his eyes weren't accusing like Dan's and she felt safe telling him. Nate wouldn't judge her. He wouldn't be disappointed. The truth was Nate knew exactly who she'd been, because she'd done some of the worst things with him.

"Georgina happened." She sighed and rolled onto her back. She still kept his hand locked in hers though. "She's decided to destroy my life, and Dan was number one on that list."

"Dan's not stupid enough to buy into Georgina's shit." Nate told her bluntly, and a small smile cracked on her lips. She wasn't sure when this side of Nate had emerged, probably after the whole Chuck-Blair affair, but she liked it.

"Unfortunately he did. She told him all about big bad Serena's past and he couldn't get away from me fast enough…" Serena felt the tears coming again, and sighed tiredly. She wondered how long it would take her to put herself back together once again.

"He's an idiot." Nate said simply and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah," Serena agreed with a choked laugh, as she tried to swallow back the emotion she felt creeping up inside of her. "It's just…" she began trying to pull herself together. "It's been a really long time since anyone has made me feel that way." She admitted sadly.

Nate reached up and wiped away the one lone tear that had found its way to her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.

"What way?" He questioned her gently and looked at her in a way that only Nate could. It was soft and knowing, and so affectionate Serena could breathe again, even if just for a moment in his embrace.

"Like I was a whore… like I was nothing." Her words were barely a whisper, but Nate heard them and pulled her back into his arms, allowing her to lay her head against his chest. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek, and she decided she never wanted to move again.

"You're not a whore. You're not nothing." He told her, and his voice was so strong and sure she almost believed him. "Serena-" He reached out to her and forced her to meet his gaze head on. "You're a lot of things, wild and crazy sometimes, yes, but you're not and you've never been a whore. And if Dan or anyone else made you feel like that, then they're not worth it. They don't deserve you."

She began crying again, this time full on sobs, and he gathered her in his arms and held her while she got it all out. She told him the whole awful story about Georgina and everything she'd told Dan and how Serena couldn't deny it.

"I was so messed up then Nate… everything with you and me and Blair… I did a lot of stupid things but I couldn't even explain it to Dan because he was just standing there looking at me like I'd betrayed him… But that's who I was, not who I am." Serena cried brokenly and wrapped her arms around Nate, holding herself against him as tight as she could without cutting off their air supply. Nothing was close enough though.

Her tears finally melted away, and she got herself under control. She loosened her grip on Nate and he let her move away from him, sensing her need for some privacy. He got up and left the room a few minutes later and then returned with some cookies and milk – their kindergarten special.

"You remembered!" She exclaimed, feeling something besides sadness for the first time since she arrived. "God I really missed these cookies. Elsa really knew how to make them all gooey and good." Serena praised Nate's lifelong house maid, and Nate grinned in agreement.

"She left some for me for the weekend while my parents are away. My mom has banned all types of chocolate from being in our house when she's here." Nate rolled his eyes at his theatrical mother's antics, and Serena busted into laughter again.

"She's like skinny as a rail a candy bar would do her good, Nate." Serena told him still unable to contain her mirth. Anne Archibald truly was a one of a kind, even her mother couldn't compare to Nate's mom's neurosis.

"Whatever, nothing compares to your mother's macrobiotic diet in eighth grade. Your house smelled like a greenhouse!" Nate threw right back, and then they were both shaking with laughter thinking about Lily and all the disgusting shakes she'd concocted that year.

"Ugh I can still smell that stuff in my nightmares." Serena grimaced, before snatching up a cookie, and one of the glasses of milk Nate had brought up. "This is still my favorite thing ever." She announced before messily dunking her cookie in the glass and then taking a big soggy bite. "I don't care if it makes me fat." She declared and took another bite.

"You're disgusting!" Nate joked, before grabbing his own cookie and nearly shoving the whole thing in his mouth.

"You're a pig!" She shot right back, and then they both grabbed for another cookie, and repeated their actions again. By the time they were done with their third cookie the plate was empty and so were their glasses, but Serena felt infinitely better than when she'd showed up on his doorstep.

"Hey Nate," she called to him and he looked up to meet her eyes. "Why didn't you kiss me?" She hadn't really meant to ask him that, but it had been bothering her for most of the night and she decided she was going to do the brave thing for once.

"Because it was about him and if I kiss you I'd want it to be about me." He smiled at her shyly, holding her gaze for a moment before looking away and grabbing for his TV remote and flipping the TV on.

"Oh." She murmured unable to hide how stunned she was.

"Nate…" She called to him again a few minutes later and he turned from the TV back to her. "If I wanted to kiss you just because… would you kiss me then?" She sounded like a little girl, and that made her cringe, but she needed to know his answer.

He grinned at her in return and for a second she thought he might not answer, but then he finally did. "Yeah Serena, I would." His eyes held hers and then he turned back to the TV.

She settled down beside him and found his hand again, twining his fingers with her own. She wasn't going to kiss him tonight, not when everything was so fresh with Dan. It wouldn't be fair to Nate, or Dan, or even herself. She needed to think, be responsible and probably talk to Blair first. But maybe, after she did all that… maybe she could kiss him then. That put a smile on her face as she snuggled back up to him.

Maybe her and Nate's time would come after all… maybe one day.


End file.
